Sep 19, 2018 By Harry Funk staff Writer hfunk@thealmanac.Net 5 min read

Nearly everyone in the room raised his or her hand when Govan Martin asked:

“How many people in this class have lost someone they knew or loved to suicide?

“I am so sorry for your loss, because it does change your life,” the chairman of the board of directors for Prevent Suicide PA said. “And it’s something that you really never get over.”

He opened a recent suicide prevention training session at Peters Township Public Library by speaking of his own loss. Michael, his brother, took his own life when both the Martins were teenagers, and Govan was the one who found him.

Since retiring from the Pennsylvania State Police, Martin has dedicated significant effort toward trying to ensure others avoid similar circumstances, particularly at a time when the problem is escalating. The number of deaths attributed to suicide increased 24 percent in the United States between 1999 and 2014, and the official total reached 44,965 in 2016.

Martin then presented a hypothetical comparison to address the gravity of the situation.

“If 123 people board an airplane every day, and that airplane takes off and crashes – every day, for 365 days a year – how many days would it take the federal government to step in and say, ‘We have to stop this until we figure this out’?” Not too many.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “We can do better.”

Doing their part were participants in the Peters Township training during Suicide Prevention Month in September. They learned about the methodology “Question. Persuade. Refer,” as researched and developed by the Washington state-based QPR Institute.

“QPR is not intended to be a form of counseling or treatment. It’s intended to offer hope for some type of positive action. Listening is a positive action,” Martin said, stressing its importance: “You can’t say, ‘Don’t feel that way’ or ‘It’s wrong of you to feel that way.’ What people really want is just for you to listen.”

Resources

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• Crisis Text Line, for anyone in any type of crisis, providing access to free, 24/7 support and information: 741741
• Vets4Warriors: 855-838-8255.
• resolve Crisis Services: 888-796-8226
• Allegheny County Peer Support Warmline Service: 866-661-WARM (9276)
• NAMI Keystone Pennsylvania: 412-366-3788

Warning signs of suicide

• Suicide threats
• Previous suicide attempts
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Statements revealing a desire to die
• Sudden changes in behavior
• Prolonged depression
• Making final arrangements
• Giving away prized possessions
• Purchasing a gun or stockpiling pills

Source: QPR Institute

Doing so in a demonstrably attentive manner – avoiding, for instance, checking your watch or cellphone – tends to build trust. And in turn, that builds the probability of receiving an honest answer to the “question” component of QPR: Are you considering suicide?

Martin provided a personal example of a woman who often ran on the treadmill beside his at their gym. One day, he noticed she was distraught and asked if she was all right.

She wasn’t.

“I stopped the treadmill and said, ‘Let’s go over here and talk,'” he recalled. “Within five minutes, I asked her the suicide question, because she told me her husband was having an affair, that he left her, didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. And she said she was thinking about it.

“Now, I knew her from the gym. I didn’t know her outside the gym. But she trusted me enough to tell me, just because we were treadmill buddies.”

He also provided examples of how not to ask the question:

“You’re not thinking about killing yourself, are you?” Or “Suicide’s a dumb idea. Surely you’re not thinking about that.”

“What are you asking that person to say?”

Listening and gaining trust also are vital to persuading someone to take the recommended action of seeking professional help or doing so on the subject’s behalf, even if he or she disagrees.

“I’ve called for people even though they don’t want me to,” Martin said. “But I’d rather know that they’re OK and alive than wondering in the middle of night, oh, my God. I wonder what could happen. I don’t care of that person’s mad at me or embarrassed or whatever. That person’s alive.”

As far as referral, Martin presented information on numerous readily available resources and offered a suggestion for promoting more use of them.

“We have to have an open and honest conversation from high schools on up,” he said, “so that they know where people can get help if they need help, and there’s no shame in asking for help.”

For more information, visit www.preventsuicidepa.org and qprinstitute.com.