‘Try to find balance’: Psychologist gives suggestion for coping with holiday stress
Perceived obligations to spend money also can lead to holiday-related stress.
Natalie Bernstein
Sure, plenty of folks love to sing along with “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of Year,” but the lyrics don’t apply to everyone.
As a licensed psychologist with a doctorate clinical psychology, Upper St. Clair resident Natalie Bernstein helps others navigate what often becomes a season of stress.
“It’s OK that there’s a downside to it, too,” she said. “It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you’re not appreciating it, if you feel disappointed or stressed or overwhelmed with everything that the holidays bring.”
For example, they bring the pressure of trying meet expectations that often prove to be unrealistic.
“And then you throw COVID on top of that: Is it safe to travel? Can I be around them? Do I have to get tested before?” Bernstein said. “I think you have the disappointment that a lot of people thought this holiday season would be different.”
Even without the specter of a global health crisis, the final month or so of each year serves as an anomaly that tends to disrupt schedules and continuity.
“We may be more tired than normal, because we’re running around and shopping for gifts, and we’re trying to fit so many activities into our schedules that are already busy. So we already go into it feeling depleted,” Bernstein explained. “We may take things more personally, also, when it’s really not about us. It’s just about trying to make everything perfect.”
That’s not possible, no matter what the perception may be.
“Social media makes it so easy to compare ourselves to others, and people don’t realizing in that moment that they’re scrolling that everything is filtered. Those people are choosing what they put on there,” Bernstein observed. “We can sometimes interpret that as, our family is doing it wrong, or we’re missing out on something.”
As such, she recommends flexibility in attitude.
“Know that something is not going to go as planned. And when that happens, say, ‘I guess this is the moment that isn’t going to turn out the way that I thought.’ And shift,” she suggested. “I would just encourage being OK with how it unfolds. It doesn’t mean that it’s wrong just because it’s different.”
Another idea is to look for patterns that can be detrimental.
“If you know that your relative drinks too much, and by 8:30 they’re completely obnoxious to be around, maybe leave at 8,” she said. Or if guests at a gathering tend to play a game that prompts arguments, “Play a different game. It’s OK to interrupt what we think of as tradition.”
For people without family or those who don’t get along with relatives, the holiday season presents a whole other set of stressors.
“That can be a difficult experience, when co-workers and other people are asking, ‘Are you going home for the holidays?'” Bernstein noted. “It feels like you’re being judged if you say, ‘I’m just staying in with my own family’ or ‘We’re not traveling this year.'”
Overall, she advises planning ahead in a sensible manner.
“I think the key is to try to find balance,” she said. “Try to find a way that works for you but also works for those in your family.”