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Lucky Seven

By Harry Funk 4 min read
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My morning routine involves a quick peek into the closet to see which pair of pants are closest to where I happen to be standing, then doing my best to match them with equally accessible shirt and tie.

Haberdashers apparently refer to what I end up wearing as nothing more than body covering.

“You had to put something on. You didn’t really care what it was, as long as it befitted what your job requirements were,” Larry Altman tells me, assessing my mind-set with utter accuracy.

I visited Larry at his specialty store, Enzo Nico in Mt. Lebanon, to learn a little bit more – that is, anything at all – about men’s fashions. As a three-decade veteran of the men’s clothing business, he ended up giving me quite the education.

Lesson One: If you haven’t met him face-to-face before, give your clothier a clue about your relative size.

“You’re a big guy,” he says at first glance of my 6-foot-3, 250-plus-pound frame. “I’m not being insulting. You’re just a big guy.”

The first sports coat I tried on confirmed his observation in, uh, a big way. He then produced a genuine leather version that impressed the heck out of me while coming surprisingly close to fitting, before proceeding to Lesson Two:

“This is a contemporary type of look. It is contemporary on one hand, but it is classic on the other. In other words, this coat will never go out of style. You’ll get bored with this coat long before the coat gives up being important to you.”

And if I took it home, he tells me, my sons would be sufficiently impressed that it just might – you know – disappear.

Noticing my bland, goes-with-everything white dress shirt, Altman offered a snazzy blue-striped alternative. When I tried it on, I’ll have to admit that it made a difference.

“It’s all about attitude,” he informs me of Lesson Three, probably the most important. “It is. When you go out, you want to look as though you actually gave some thought to the way you look. That way, you’re projecting that ‘I am a man of the new millennium. I am no longer just using body covering. I am actually making a fashion statement that befits my lifestyle.'”

I guess that beats my usual fashion statement of pairing a rock ‘n’ roll T-shirt with a pair of jeans. In other words, dressing the exact same way I did 40 years ago.

Which leads us to Lesson Four:

“Were you to throw that on with a pair of jeans,” Altman says after having me try on a soft-constructed sports coat from Tommy Bahama, “you have a whole combination that is extremely modern. The fashion world has said, that is an acceptable look. Dark denim, in particular, is dressy looking and really works with these kinds of combinations.”

I noticed that he happened to be wearing dark denim. And yes, it was an acceptable look.

Speaking of which, here’s Lesson Five:

“People judge you based on the way you look. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying, it’s fact.”

He proceeds to judge yours truly.

“Right now, you actually look pretty cool, even though this is not a perfect fit,” he says, seeking a second opinion from Megan Wylie Ruffing, our photographer: “Doesn’t he look pretty cool? He really does.”

Hey, who am I to argue?

I certainly won’t argue with Lesson Six.

“Men do not do a good job of interpreting this ‘dressy casual’ concept. Women have a great grasp of it,” Altman says, noting that their input is essential for their significant others: “I’ve been open for 30 years. If it weren’t for women, I’d have been out of business 29 years ago.”

Before I changed back into what I was wearing when I arrived, he shares an observation that we’ll refer to as Lesson Seven:

“You’ve changed your whole demeanor, just with two different combinations,” he says. “You look confident because you are now projecting an image that says, I’m in charge of what I’m wearing.”

Yes, Virginia. It’s all about attitude.

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