‘Cake Pops and Coffee’
When she arrived in Pittsburgh to attend college, Katie Maloney left something behind that an unfortunately large number of Americans experience.
Geographically, she had freed herself from a situation of childhood sexual abuse. Mentally, she faced a new challenge.
“That was the time when I finally started realizing just how much it affected every aspect of my life,” she recalls. “That’s when I really wanted to start working through it, and that’s when I started to try to do so.”
Her journey through the healing process prompted her to write “Cake Pops and Coffee,” a newly published book that breaks new ground in addressing the issues of abuse survivors.
“Of course, therapy is incredible, and I recommend it to everyone,” she says about her initial forays into coming to terms with what happened to her. “However, after that, I was looking for additional ways, and I really, really just needed to be able to connect with other people in a way that we didn’t focus on trauma.”
As such, Maloney presents “Cake Pops and Coffee” in an inviting, approachable manner compared with most of the writings on the subject she has encountered.
“The title came from what I wanted the conversation about trauma to be like,” the Glenshaw resident explains. “I really wanted to feel like I was having a conversation with a trusted friend while eating cake pops and sipping coffee.”
That’s exactly what she used to do with her own trusted friend:
“She would wear colorful scarves and sit with her legs up on the arms of chairs in the most cool and relaxed way. We’d eat cake pops and drink coffee while we talked casually and openly about the abuse we’ve experienced. We would cry when we needed to and laugh when we wanted to.”
Realizing the value of such conversations, Maloney decided to share their message by developing easy, practical and, ideally, amusing ways to help abuse survivors. She now coaches individuals and couples, conducts workshops and, of course, has added the resource of “Cake Pops and Coffee.”
“My full mission for the book and for my coaching is to share my story, but there’s way more to my story than just the heaviness of the trauma,” she says. “There are lighthearted moments, and there are even moments that are really funny, where I’m trying to work through all the emotions and the triggers that come from the trauma. I share those stories so that we can actually laugh and continue being lighthearted and more conversational.”
Another part of her mission is to answer questions that survivors otherwise would feel too embarrassed to ask. An example she gives pertains to trying to experience pleasure in the wake of abuse.
“That’s something that survivors really do struggle with, and if they’re looking to be with a partner somebody, you need to be able to build up to that,” Maloney says.
“One of the things that people, when they’re starting to work through it, think is that: OK, well if I just find a really great partner and I keep being intimate with them, then eventually all these feelings will go away,” she explains. “That’s not actually the case, because you really need to heal the part of yourself that doesn’t feel safe. And once you can focus on that part of yourself, then being intimate with a partner is that much more rewarding.”
Her approach is getting a warm reception.
“One of the things I’ve discovered as I am publishing this book and really starting to connect with other people in the community who work with survivors, and are survivors, is that I’m not the only one who wants this new type of conversation, which is really eye-opening to me,” Maloney says.
“All of the conversations right now are so focused on the trauma. But everyone who’s experienced trauma has so many other aspects of their lives that are great and, again, humorous. So incorporating those parts of their lives into the healing is really what I try to do.”
For more information, visit katiemaloneycoaching.com.